Dear Soul:
Today I’m gonna tell you about my brother. He was 13 years older than me. I never had a strong connection with him, cause when I was very young he yelled at me, and then he went to the University, living far away from our home.
He liked computers. Right after finishing his University Degree, he started a little company with an old classmate. This company was about making websites for another little companies. Back then, internet was starting to be known by normal people, and a lot of people wanted to be there. I am speaking about 2000 year, more or less.
He had a very tender girlfriend back then, but they split. His first girlfriend was called like me, but they split when he started University. This second girlfriend is who appears in the picture I will show you, on my left side. My old sister is on my right side, next to my brother. The boy over us is a little cousin. The picture was made in a little trip we made together to Madrid. I hide their faces cause my brother is very strict with privacy, and if he knows I am writing this, I should not give their names, neither their faces, or he will get angry.
He got angry easily. My father was very calmed, but my brother needed very little to fire his nerves. That’s why I barely talked to him. We have opposite personalities. It’s like mixing water and oil. You can try your best, but it’s almost impossible. You will never get something homogeneous.
He married his third girlfriend. I guess he yells at her too, because his son told us this during a dinner. “Mum cries when dad yells at her”. I cannot be very sure cause they seem a very connected couple, but my nephew said this and I know it fits with my brother’s personality.
I had fun with him when I was very young, once upon a time he told me a story. But he said that it was true, and I was deceived cause when I grew I realized he was lying. He told me he found a witch next to the house my family had in the countryside. This witch invited him to her house, and he said I would be able to meet the witch when I was older. I’m still waiting.
My brother was always very close to my grandfather and my uncle. My grandparent died when I was 10 years old so I couldn’t meet him properly, but my uncle is still alive and... OMG. My brother is very close to him. They dismiss women, gays and lesbians, people from Portugal, young people- my brother did this even when he was young, too. They only have fun when dismissing others, with a kind of jokes I never found funny. The kind of jokes hurting someone, sometimes very much.
Like I said, my brother and me are like water and oil.
Caring about people and treating them nicely is “mimo” for him. “Mimo” is a Spanish word I don’t know how to translate. It’s like the tenderness you use with a baby, something exaggerated sometimes. For him every little kindness is too much. I don’t know how it’s possible he always had a lot of friends. Well, his friends were mostly savage people like him.
Another curious fact about him is that he cannot be fine with more than 15 Celsius degrees. He always says it’s very hot. Even inside his home, he never heats it more than 15C, at least this is what he says. I like warm temperatures so he was always dismissing me because of that - among a lot of other things.
My brother is the person I only kiss in the cheek before a familiar lunch, and I don’t talk to him again till the kiss of goodbye- in Spain we kiss family in the cheeks to say hello and goodbye, it’s not something to be scared about like in other countries.
My brother is the person I cannot understand, even if I tried very hard. He’s there, with his things, and I’m here. Living always separated and far from each other is the only way we can be peaceful with each other. He wouldn’t hurt me and I wouldn’t answer in an angry way, or feel very hurt and shut up myself. I don’t understand how can he be happy the way he’s happy, if he’s happy. But I know he should think the same about me. In the end: I know my brother exists, but I don’t want to be very close to him. It’s self security. Just for surviving.
Till the next time. Greetings!
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