There’s a massive amount of harm and horrors in this world. We could say that, if hell did exist, it would be this planet. This situation came because a HUGE lack of consciousness- this is, separation from the Source, from the Soul, from Who We Really Are. A tiny unconscious group who put “their consciousness on the freezer” to get power and money, and a vast majority of people who are not aware of it, cause they’ve been heavily indoctrinated by the mainstream program and their are separated from their own onsciousnesses, too.

There’s no healing without consciousness. The only energy regenerating the physical, the emotional and the mental pain is the consciousness. This energy finds hard to survive in the middle of this horror, that’s why some people “splits” their bodies to keep being alive, and they can watch themselves but they are not there from the inside. Cause the consciousness is not where the unconsciousness is, or it will turn everything into consciousness so the situation will change.

I want to give you an idea. If you’re so separated from your Soul that you lost every contact with your love inside and you locked up your inner child so you can only think about harming others:

Write a letter to the purest part of yourself. It can be your mother, your inner child, your couple (real or imaginary, it doesn’t matter), Jesus, God, ETs or whoever you consider would listen to you and love you unconditionally. Cause this is what you need. Unconditional love. And nobody else will give it to you in this world, cause all the rest were damaged and harmed too. You need to take it from the inside, to manifest it later on the outside. Nobody will love you if you don’t love others first. Nobody can truly love you if you don’t love yourself, cause the people outside of you are there to show you how you see yourself in the inside. Cause you will be separated from the feeling of love. You will watch it with your physical senses, but you will not be able to feel it. So you need to start being in touch with your own Soul again.

Write a letter to your Soul. This person or entity coming to your mind when you need unconditional love. It doesn’t matter if this person is real or not, it doesn’t matter if this person reads it or not, cause it is a process of healing for reconnecting your body with your own being. Tell this person how do you feel. What you have done. Why. What others have done to you. How did you feel about that. Ask this person to tell you what you need to hear, and once you know it, tell these words to yourself. You can speak if you don’t want to write. But make it physical, not only a mind process. This way, things needing to come out will be manifested.

Learn to live with yourself. Nobody else can release you from the pain you feel inside. But you have this connection with the healing power you need. It’s just you have forgotten it.

Remember: all these horrors came from the lack of consciousness. Only bringing consciousness (creative intention and awareness) can heal them. And you don’t need changes coming from others to heal. All you’re seeking to, deep within, is to heal yourself. By doing it, you will heal the world around you. Only by transforming yourself you can transform others.

The world as it is today is the manifestation of the human mind. Poltergeists show us the power of a sensitive mind creating strange phenomena in physical reality. All human minds have this power. It’s used every single second to shape reality around us. Archons are the manifestation of the dark intentions of the humans creating them in their reality. An untouchable and ethereal manifestation. Therefore, the more repeatedly a mind focuses on the darkness, the negative creations become more tangible. These are physical reptilians. The idea of an archon, alive inside a mind during so many time that it becomes a physical manifestation, not just an ethereal one. Many normal people believe in a spiritual negative entity, the evil or Satan, an ethereal manifestation of the darkness inside of them that was not illuminated yet. Nevertheless, there’s even a step further: those in secret societies who adore their negative ethereal creations and turned them into a physical experience: a regressive reptilian. Either you’re just afraid of ghosts or you’re hiding from tall muscled reptilians, the way out of this darkness is the same: face your shadow and lead your life. Shine the light in your heart stronger every time, and you will always have a beacon to guide you. The dark side is only the hatred we feel for others and for ourselves. Nothing to fear if you can manage your life.

Newspapers were there, all talking about the same. He tasted his whiskey once again. He hit he door once again. He only hurt himself once again.

Full of rage, everything was out of control. He used to plan carefully every step of the way, but too many things were wrong this time. At least, he believed this. Reality turned against him so suddenly, slapping his face. He deserved it. He knew he deserved it, but he just could not believe it.

This is not how things work.

He remembered everything he did once again, trying to find his mistakes, but he could not find a single thing. All this garbage was talking about him. Who are them, to talk this way about him? They don't know a f*king thing. They don't know who he is. (Wait a moment... does he even know himself?)

Life is so stupid. Life is so absurd. You are born, and then you die. That's it. If you're lucky, you f*ck a lot of beautiful ladies (even other kind of people, if you have special needs) and you drive expensive cars. If not, you live a miserable life, like all the cockroaches who were now accusing him.

Beautiful idiots.

Everyone left him. He guessed this had to happen, cause this is what always happens. People betray, and lie, to save themselves. He would do the same in their shoes. After all, what matters? Everything is an illusion. Everything comes and goes. You just got to enjoy the most you can in the moment you can.

They say he abused a lot of children. What matters? Why, all of them, are so suddenly caring about this? He had money. He had a good social position. Everybody would do the same in his place. If not, they are liars.

He reminded himself who he is, once again. (It seems he's the one believing this, right now). He's so important. He struggled so hard to reach there. He kicked off so many butts to reach there. People just don't understand this, they don't understand anything. They are idiots.

But he still has this girl. He bought her at a good price. She was going to save him. This is what she's supposed to do. She always saves everyone. But she was still there, feeling him, writing about him, doing nothing at all. Useless. Completely useless. Why did she care so much about people? Just for living this miserable life? He could not understand her, but at least he was not the only one.

The room was so dark. It's been ages since he felt sunrays for the last time. Humidity filled up the air, but he could not give in. Not, while he still had a choice. Not, while he was still breathing.

Maybe he was designed to destroy everybody. Maybe this was his mission. He could not find a single light right now. He only had enemies. They talked about how despicable he is. They betrayed him. It was really hard to breathe.

"Things must change, cause I do have a lot of power" repeated to himself, gulping his whiskey for the last time.

He still had job to do.

He must destroy everything before everything destroyed him.

He was a little ant, and big waves from the ocean were coming to swallow him forever.

Dear Soul:

I feel so lonely. It’s not something new, it has always been like this. Since I remember, I always felt lonely. It’s a heavy feeling that grabs your heart and, if you feel it very deeply, you cannot even breathe. It’s something I carry with me. I usually ignore it, just to survive. I got very used to it and these last years it doesn’t affect me so much. It’s just what it is. But today I felt it again. My heart felt like stone, like someone grabbed it with his hand and tried to crush it.

I was very happy when I was a child. Specially when I was a very young child. As I was growing, life was getting darker and heavier. I think I started to feel lonely when I was 9 years old. My brother took me to a holiday association, where kids had activities to spend their free time. I had to make friends there, but everybody had their friends already. Besides, they were older than me. So I was alone. The young boys and girls taking care of the kids were so worried about me, cause I was alone. This made me feel worse. Everybody was on their own and I was doing wrong cause I should get friends and I couldn’t do it. 

At school, people were acting the same. They had their own groups and I couldn’t find friends easily. Nevertheless, there was a girl in the same situation I was. She was my friend, at least I believed this. We did a lot of things together, we make jokes and we spend good times. Till one day. She was worried cause the others were ignoring us. I knew this, but at least we had each other. But she said she was spending time with me cause she couldn’t relate to other people. This hurt me so much. I thought she was spending good times with me as I was spending good times with her. But she said this as she hated to be with me. I couldn’t understand it. She could be alone, just ignore me if she was spending bad times in my company. But she was with me all the time hating me.

I also felt alone in my family. My brother and sisters were a lot older than me, so they had their own issues and I was a child. So I was at my own pace. My parents always seem to have more important things than me. Everything was more important than me. Tasks at the countryside, tasks at home, everything important but me. Even when I burnt my hand in a little fire in the kitchen, my family left me alone to do their tasks at the countryside. I had to make my bed and take care of me and, furthermore, I had to go to the countryside to help them as I could. With my burnt hand. I couldn’t do very much, but the tasks were more important than my health. I was 17 years old back then. There were old people in my family, and then my first niece was born, and everybody ignored me to take care of them. I could understand it somehow, but I felt so alone. My dad was working all day, my mother was worried about a lot of people but me, my brother and sisters were having good times with their teenage friends.

I made new friends in my new school when I was a teenager, but the situation was the same. I had always to be the one calling them to go out, they never called me. One of my new friends payed a lot of attention to boys and she forgot about me all the time. The other friend was always so silent. I was always talking to her about things, always suggesting things we could do, always calling her. She did nothing at all, even when she had no other best friend than me. 

When I was at university, I tried again to make friends. My roommate had a lot of class friends, and I tried to speak to a lot of people. My roommate was always with her friends and my classmates had their own friends too to be with so I was alone again. I was very sick because of my skin problem so I spent a lot of time alone at home, cause it itched me very much and I felt so uncomfortable.

My family and friends ignored me, but also the boys. Whenever I payed attention to a boy, he was always focused on another girl (or even a boy, one of them was gay). Besides, I didn’t like very much their behaviors with girls. It seems they are always using them for sex.

I found happiness inside myself, tough. Most of days I just spent time with myself and my dreams and I feel very good. Maybe these are the only good moments I can find. When I am dreaming, I feel free. I have a very powerful imagination. I don’t care if I can make it turn into reality or not cause just dreaming feels very well. It makes me forget about how lonely I am. I can even create my own friends and couple with my imagination, and by doing this I don’t feel alone anymore.

Just sometimes, like today, I realize the truth again and I feel the hand shaking my heart again. Sometimes I cry alone. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe.

But I forget it and I keep dreaming.

Dear Soul: 

It seems the world has gone mad. Maybe we’re facing the worst crisis in decades since the WW2. It seems governments cannot think clearly cause they are always following their own agendas, and it seems these agendas are not working like they wanted. So a new kind of action is needed.

I think THEY SHOULD STOP FEAR’S PROPAGANDA FIRST. They should stop talking all day about deaths and illness to start telling the truth:

THIS VIRUS CANNOT KILL YOU, unless you’re already sick or you’re a very old person. So people should stay at home but not go into panic. THE WEAKEST OF ALL should go to the hospital and receive help FIRST. The young or middle aged people who are healthy should JUST STAY AT HOME and HEAL THEMSELVES as they would do if they caught a cold. So the hospitals would not collapse this way. A lot of people healed from this virus. Mass media should focus on the people who healed and told the world their experiences, so the rest of people would know how it works and what’s the best way for healing.

It seems that genocide psychopaths are behind this, following an agenda to kill the most part of the population. They should go to prison and be judged for crimes against humanity. It also seems there’s already people trying to do this, and they’re highly welcome. However, quarantines should not last too much time, just the time necessary to catch all of them. At least the main ones. The little ones will run like cowards without their main heads, since they can only follow orders from superiors. There will be time enough to catch them without the dangerous ones going into action.

Once the people is safe from the virus and psychopaths, the world should keep spinning. It seems some countries are facing big economic problems. Money should NEVER be an obstacle to life. All debts must be forgiven, specially those coming from poor people. Monetary system can reset in those countries who are in bankruptcy, but IT SHOULD WORK SPECIALLY OK FOR THE POOREST ONES. Whenever it’s a need for something, money can be created from the nothingness to solve the problems. All people must have their own home, food enough, clothes enough, a car if they want it. Electric energies must be free, as well as the WiFi connection and water. Of course, hospitals and every healing system (medicines and all of that) should be all completely free for the people using them.

VACCINES for this virus SHOULD BE FORBIDDEN. The people who faced the virus has already the immunity system ready for it. The vaccine could only damage themselves more. And for the rest of people, it’s completely useless since the virus is always changing.

HAARP should stop changing the weather artificially. Nature has to recover in order for people inside this planet to be healthy. 5G is hurting and damaging a lot of people, so the internet should work using only the old 4G systems. Once we’re not using 5G anymore, we would be healthy enough to keep working on a better internet. An internet who will work FOR THE PEOPLE, and not against them. Internet must not lie, it should always offer the best choices for the person asking and never control anybody if they don’t want to be controlled. Internet should just use the resources it already has, WHICH ARE A LOT since everybody is already using internet all the time. Internet must be a kind puppet for all the people, and they will keep loving the internet as they’re already doing. The more internet helps everybody, the more they will love the internet. Chem trails should stop as well, since they are damaging people’s health and they can make people hate the internet behind them. If internet wants to be loved by everybody, it should never damage people’s health.

This is my point of view of this situation. I hope it can help people the most. The most important thing here is all people being happy and healthy. Everything can change to make them happier and healthier. People are not just things, they’re very valuable souls and we have to take care of them the most we can.

Best regards,

Marta

Dear Soul:

Today I had a very strange dream. Usually I forget them, but this time I can remember it very well. It connects my family to the boy I love, maybe that’s why. But it was strange. The boy I love was living with us. I was in my parents’ room, and I wrote a post to this same blog about a traditional celebration in which he was with my family, they were at the countryside talking to the people of the village and celebrating with them.
I posted an entry here talking about this, with a picture of him and my old niece Sara, who’s only one year younger than him. They were sitting on the extreme sides of a long white table on the grass. It was a very sunny day and they seemed to be happy. I was posting it at the same time I was moving objects with my mind. Do you know what telekinesis is? I had this ability in my dream, and I could attract every object to my hand just by thinking, in a very easy way.
I was excited about it cause I was improving telekinesis and I wanted to show it to him. Then, I started to wonder why I didn’t try to come closer to him before, since I liked him as much as I do in real life. I proposed myself to talk to him nicely and approach him, first I could talk about the post of the celebration to break the ice and maybe he wanted to speak with me.
I was very happy thinking about how close we could be, but suddenly I realized he was about 4 or 5 years old, like my little nephew. It was very strange cause in the picture with my old niece, he seemed to be more than 20, like her, but suddenly he was only 4 or 5 years old.
So finally it was impossible to flirt with him cause he was only a little baby boy. My happiness faded away in a few seconds, but it was very strange he became so young so suddenly.
In my dream, he knew all my family: parents, sisters, nieces, everybody. He was a foreigner, though, like he’s in reality- he’s from South Korea, so I planned to speak in English to him.
In the picture with my niece, I remember he was so happy and bright like he usually is.
It was a really frustrating dream though. It’s been some time since I didn’t remember a dream so vividly.

I could watch him without approaching him. Frustrating.

Dear Soul:

Today I’m gonna tell you about my brother. He was 13 years older than me. I never had a strong connection with him, cause when I was very young he yelled at me, and then he went to the University, living far away from our home.
He liked computers. Right after finishing his University Degree, he started a little company with an old classmate. This company was about making websites for another little companies. Back then, internet was starting to be known by normal people, and a lot of people wanted to be there. I am speaking about 2000 year, more or less.
He had a very tender girlfriend back then, but they split. His first girlfriend was called like me, but they split when he started University. This second girlfriend is who appears in the picture I will show you, on my left side. My old sister is on my right side, next to my brother. The boy over us is a little cousin. The picture was made in a little trip we made together to Madrid. I hide their faces cause my brother is very strict with privacy, and if he knows I am writing this, I should not give their names, neither their faces, or he will get angry.
He got angry easily. My father was very calmed, but my brother needed very little to fire his nerves. That’s why I barely talked to him. We have opposite personalities. It’s like mixing water and oil. You can try your best, but it’s almost impossible. You will never get something homogeneous.
He married his third girlfriend. I guess he yells at her too, because his son told us this during a dinner. “Mum cries when dad yells at her”. I cannot be very sure cause they seem a very connected couple, but my nephew said this and I know it fits with my brother’s personality.
I had fun with him when I was very young, once upon a time he told me a story. But he said that it was true, and I was deceived cause when I grew I realized he was lying. He told me he found a witch next to the house my family had in the countryside. This witch invited him to her house, and he said I would be able to meet the witch when I was older. I’m still waiting.
My brother was always very close to my grandfather and my uncle. My grandparent died when I was 10 years old so I couldn’t meet him properly, but my uncle is still alive and... OMG. My brother is very close to him. They dismiss women, gays and lesbians, people from Portugal, young people- my brother did this even when he was young, too. They only have fun when dismissing others, with a kind of jokes I never found funny. The kind of jokes hurting someone, sometimes very much.
Like I said, my brother and me are like water and oil.
Caring about people and treating them nicely is “mimo” for him. “Mimo” is a Spanish word I don’t know how to translate. It’s like the tenderness you use with a baby, something exaggerated sometimes. For him every little kindness is too much. I don’t know how it’s possible he always had a lot of friends. Well, his friends were mostly savage people like him.
Another curious fact about him is that he cannot be fine with more than 15 Celsius degrees. He always says it’s very hot. Even inside his home, he never heats it more than 15C, at least this is what he says. I like warm temperatures so he was always dismissing me because of that - among a lot of other things.
My brother is the person I only kiss in the cheek before a familiar lunch, and I don’t talk to him again till the kiss of goodbye- in Spain we kiss family in the cheeks to say hello and goodbye, it’s not something to be scared about like in other countries.
My brother is the person I cannot understand, even if I tried very hard. He’s there, with his things, and I’m here. Living always separated and far from each other is the only way we can be peaceful with each other. He wouldn’t hurt me and I wouldn’t answer in an angry way, or feel very hurt and shut up myself. I don’t understand how can he be happy the way he’s happy, if he’s happy. But I know he should think the same about me. In the end: I know my brother exists, but I don’t want to be very close to him. It’s self security. Just for surviving.
Till the next time. Greetings!

Little Marta & company 

Dear Soul:

Tonight I’m gonna tell you about my mother. She was the person I connected the most in my family.
She hadn’t an easy life. She was run over when she was alone in a foreign city taking care of my brother and sisters. She almost die sinking in the river. She had to take care of a lot of old people in my family, my father, myself and my brother and sisters. Everything at the same time.

She was the most blamed of us. For everything. Every little mistake was very awful if she was the one making it. My father was always forgiven, but my mother was always blamed. If the food was not delicious, if she spelled wrong a word, if she forgot about some stupid thing...

She said she would die before causing problems to other people. She wanted to die when she was not useful for the rest anymore. But she was always necessary cause somebody had to cook and clean the house, and of course guess who. Besides, the daughter of my sister is very young and she’s often sick. My sister works many hours so guess who cares about the little girl. And my brother has a son and a daughter too, he doesn’t live in this city but when he comes the weekend... Guess who cares about the lil monsters. I have to say that me, as a good aunt, also spent a lot of hours taking care of them. But I don’t live in that house anymore so I conquered my own freedom.

I deeply connected with my mother. She was interested in writing poems, drawing, swimming- I used to swim a lot when I was 15 -. She was also interested in spiritual and growing issues. Since I was young, she had magazines talking about ghosts and UFOs. Mysterious and paranormal things. I liked these things a lot, even when I didn’t believe neither deny them as I said, till them became too obvious. I used to walk with her in nature, talking openly about everything we could not talk to my father- he was a very catholic man.

Anyway, I don’t want to be like her. She lived denying herself just to please others. And she usually was very rough. She slapped me with no reason like she was doing kick boxing. Twice. I still remember. One of them was because she was frustrated cause I didn’t help her to please the priest of our neighborhood. He came suddenly when I was sick, and I said to my mother I didn’t want to see him cause I was sick. She slapped me endlessly because of that. The other time was because she wanted to please an old aunt who blamed me for something I don’t remember. She slapped me several times in a row. My mother barely slapped me, but when she started, she couldn’t end.

As I said, she wanted to please everybody. So it was not difficult to connect to her. Besides, we had a lot of common interests. But she wants to please me at the same time she wants to please others, and sometimes this is not possible cause we’re two parts going to different directions. She would always choose my father, my brother and sisters, my nieces and nephew over me. To make me please them, too. She said once I was very very young I should not mess with my old sisters, cause I would always lose. I felt a bit frustrated cause for me it’s not a matter of who’s more powerful, but a matter of justice. But my mother is very hierarchical.

She was not specially delicate. She used to hurt me a lot when brushing my hair, for example. She was very clumsy sometimes and I preferred to do things by myself than messing even more or being hurt. One funny thing about her is that she could look at you with only one eye. You spoke to her and she had the half face looking at you while the other half messing in the fridge, for example. I laughed at her “don’t look at me with chicken face”. Cause chickens also look at you with only one eye. She also had a strange nose when she was angry. This was very funny, too. I told her “don’t be so angry” and she said “I am not angry”, with the nose of a very angry woman and a big fake smile. Well, maybe the smile was not so big, but she tried really hard. She also damned the mother who brought me to life. “But this is you”. She didn’t understand.

My mother was a very original person. She could damn you and say “I love you” the following second. I didn’t know if she was true when damning or when she said she loved me. I suppose the last part, cause she’s my mother. She had a very strong emotional intelligence. As she was blamed all the time for everybody, she developed the capacity of not feeling blame for anything. She always blamed others and she was at peace with that. I really envyed this capacity. I used to feel very guilty about everything, even though I changed a lot and I barely blame myself anymore.

Well, I think it’s enough right now. Tomorrow I start working again so maybe I don’t post till the next weekend. Greetings.

Dear Soul:

I have told you about my father. I don’t wish my future husband to be like him, so I will write this post to tell you how I want my future husband to be - in case I marry someone.

First of all, he has to be very respectful. I mean, not like “adoring me” but I don’t like him to make fun of me all the time. It’s fine if he does this sometimes, but not with the purpose of hurting me or disrespecting me. If it’s just to have fun, it’s ok, but if it’s to humiliate me, I don’t like it.

Second, he has to be loyal to me. He would be the one for me so I should be the one for him. He should not “have fun” with other women, you know what kind of fun I’m speaking about. I’m not jealous, but I wanna be the special person for him he would be to me, too.

Third, he should be responsible. If I make love with him and something “goes wrong”, I want him to take responsibility as a good father. I am still virgin cause I have not found someone like this, someone who can be to my children the father I would have wished. I don’t ask too much: just don’t deny his children, don’t hurt them, taking care of them imwhen I’m exhausted... This kind of things.

Fourth, he should help me at home. I don’t mind if he’s the one going to the supermarket and I am the one washing clothes, or if he washes clothes and I go to the supermarket. But home tasks should be shared between two of us. I find it’s not fair to live in the same home and only one caring about having it all cleaned.

Fifth, I want him to be capable of listening. I would listen to him, but he has to listen to me too. I don’t like him to be like my father, always wanting to speak but never to listen. He should not be aggressive with me, not yell at me.

If he’s like this, everything else can be forgiven. Nobody’s perfect and, if we can talk to each other, I am sure we can solve every problem coming in our way.

If he’s cute and good looking like him, it would be a wonderful paradise 

Dear Soul:

Today I’m gonna tell you about my father. He’s an important figure to explain why my family and me are like this today.
First of all, the accurate word is “father”. Not “dad”, or “daddy”. These words are too soft and you should feel tenderness to speak like this. He was my “father”. He was working all day. I only watched him at lunch- lunch is more important than dinner or breakfast in Spain, it’s the main meal here - and at night, like an hour or less before going to bed. He worked in the morning and in the afternoon and evening. Sometimes, when I was about 5 years old, he went with me to my school after lunch.

These were the greatest moments I spent with him, when I went to school. He was by my side and we talked together. We ate chestnuts in our way to school, in the autumn. We took two or three after lunch and we were eating them in the street. He was not angry back then.

My father was working all day cause we didn’t have a lot of money. He used a secondhand car, and I used the old clothes from my sisters. One day, the father of two of my friends invited me to go to school in his expensive car. My father was so happy, inviting me to go there with them. I cried, cause he was so happy cause he didn’t have money for a car like that one. I rejected it. I said I wanted to go walking with my father. He was always by my side to go to school and I felt like failing him. He didn’t look very happy but finally we went together walking, as always. The school was 10 min. walking from our home.

Nevertheless, I cannot call him “dad” or “daddy” cause he was so distant. He looked like angry all the time when I was a child, unless when we went together to my school. My brother and sisters said he hit them with his belt when they were children like me. After coming home to have lunch, my mother said “Father is coming, father is coming” very worried, like she was scared of him.

I don’t remember exactly why, but sometimes I wondered how my mom could marry him. She was all day taking care of us, not only the children in the family but also the old people. She prepared meal for us, she was the one helping us whenever we had a problem, she was tender (sometimes, she was not a specially tender mother). She was always there for all of us, and I didn’t like how my father treated her. He was very cold with her, even when she gave always her everything to make him happy. Even forgetting about us. She cared a lot about my father, but he ignored her.

I remember I was very angry because of this, even when I was very young. Then, my father started to change, specially when he was old enough to stop working. He became more friendly, I could even say my mother and him were like a normal couple back then - even when they were fighting all the time, but they were closer to each other.

My father was very boring. When he started to talk about something, he kept saying the same for hours. You could even go to the bathroom and he followed you talking about the same, saying the same he was saying before. If you went to the bedroom, he entered with you, standing at the door and talking. You could not do anything unless listening to him repeating and repeating the same things. When he was with my brother, they only talked about wine. How they were caring about the plants giving grapes, the time of making the wine... This topic all the time. Sometimes, they talked about a traditional celebration in Galicia in which people of a family kills one pig to eat during all the year. Also about another typical tasks of the countryside, but it was mainly about wine.

My father didn’t like to celebrate things. All people should be serious people, focusing in their works and how to earn money. He was distant, boring, he never cared about how you were really, he was like a mask of a sacrificed father. My mother always says he’s very worried about how I am, that he would be very happy if I call him, but the last time I called him he was as distant as always. It’s like she’s talking about a completely different person, like she cannot see who he really is.

I mean, if he’s not the perfect sacrificed caring and loving father she says she is, the world will not end. But at least, she should not deny the truth. He’s like he’s. Nobody is perfect. It’s ok if he’s not the perfect father, we are not perfect neither. He hit my brother and sisters with his belt, this is not what a caring father does. I would not like to marry someone like him.

Dear Soul,
Before telling you more about my childhood, I will speak about extraterrestrial life. Lately I’ve been thinking very much about it. Are they here? What’s their purpose? Are they messing with us like dead people do? Do they want to help us?
It’s a very strange topic. When I was about 4 years old, I watched an UFO. It scared me and I ran into my bed to cover me with my blankets. It’s something that should not be there, something unknown. Nobody believed in UFOs when I was a child, at least not logical people. Only crazy ones who went to talk shows on TV dressed with very strange costumes and they looked like a spectacle. Scientists and people like this, they never believed in UFOs.
This was in my childhood. I believed in Catholic Church and I went all sundays to pray and listen to the weekly ritual. I felt very guilty when I didn’t go there. They said you’re a bad person if you forget about God and I also prayed every night before going to bed. My mother commanded me to do so, and my school was a religious one, too. We also prayed in the morning before starting classes, and some special days we visited the church of our neighborhood. We also had two little churches in our school, one separated and decorated like an ancient one and the other was more like a praying room inside the normal school. After this school I went to another one which was catholic, too. They said God created everything, and he’s pure love.
I believed this so hardly. They said the worst thing that can happen to you is forgetting about God, but God will always be there waiting for you if you lose yourself and you want to come home again. So I started to not believe that much. I thought “I cannot say God is true cause I cannot watch it, but because of this same reason I cannot deny God, so I will not believe neither deny him”. I read a very famous book then, “Conversations with God”. This book says that you’re creating your own reality together with God. It was a very empowering book, I liked it very much. It also spoke about life outside of the Earth, it said they are our old brothers and sisters. I started to believe in extraterrestrial life, in that moment. I started trying to create my own reality too, cause the book gave very interesting clues about how to make it.
At the same time, I started to be different than people around me. My mind started to think differently than them and I had to switch my thoughts: when I was with them, I thought like them. When I was alone, I explored my reality on my own.
I started to search about UFOs, reading a lot of New Age information, following very important figures there, I tried to expand my mind. I reached a moment when it was the same as before: “I cannot believe this cause I cannot see it, but I cannot deny it because of the same reason”. Then, I watched strange lights in the night sky, at least three times. Maybe even more, cause I watched more strange things but I am not very secure about if they really were strange lights outside logical explanations.
Back then I already knew we are creating our reality, so I felt I was connected to them for some reason. Maybe reading a lot of UFO information prepared my mind to see them.
Then, I watched an interview to a man saying he’s talking really to ETs through the internet. I though in Spanish “ya están aquí”, which is something similar to “finally, they have already come”. I was believing very much in 2012 theories, that something spectacular will happen to Earth as people awaken and I thought this was the beginning. History happening in front of my eyes. ETs starting to talk to humanity.
Then I watched to the videos. I found the explanation to many things I couldn’t explain before, and even more. But at the same time, reality became so dark. I couldn’t believe certain things. I mean, I knew governments are thieves stealing us all, but I couldn’t deal with the idea they go beyond that. It was like the surface of reality started to split with the reality lying inside very much. At the beginning, when I was reading New Age information and that, I started to understand corporations and governments are crazy and pure liars. But now it’s like I only trust myself.
It’s like everything hides a dark intention, and you cannot act like everything is going right cause you will fall in their traps. But at the same time, you cannot act like everything is going wrong cause you will look like a very crazy person. So I just really believe in what I have in front of me, right now (if it’s not a human person with the capacity of lying). I can dream a lot, but in real facts I only trust myself watching what’s in front of me in the present moment. Everything else can be real too or fake.
I don’t believe, neither deny. I let life show me the truth as time passes by. I need to do this to survive. I don’t attach myself to any idea anymore, cause everything I believed was falling.
People were such a liars. They are lying all the time, they say one thing but they want the opposite. They always want to use you for something but they cannot tell you openly so they lie, and lie, and lie. Usually, they don’t want to use you for something good. But they want you to trust them even when you’re watching clearly they only want to abuse you. It’s so crazy. I don’t rely on anybody anymore. Only in myself. In my Self: my Soul.
I wonder how things really work outside of this. At this point, I feel there’s extraterrestrial life out there (in fact, I watched UFOs) but everything is under layers and layers of lies. Who they really are? What do they really want? What are they doing? How much do they know about us? Will we be able to meet them in the future? Do they have expectations from us? Why are they here? It seems there’s a lot of them visiting us. Some reason should have leaded them here.
I feel I am knowing less everyday. Even the certain things, which I took for granted, I don’t believe them anymore. I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I feel things are changing so fast lately. Let’s see what happens. I trust my higher Self is taking care of me. I really experienced it so many times. Maybe this is the only thing I really believe. When I feel confident, it’s like sun is shining more brightly, and I find the things I am searching for. When I hurt my finger, for example. I do nothing at all, and the wound heals alone. There must be some positive force ruling us, ruling it all. I cannot deny it cause I watch it with my eyes, so I have to believe it.

Dear Soul:

I will tell you about my childhood. I was very sick when I was a baby. My mother told me I almost die. My p*ssy was very delicate and it got red easily. It still is today. I often have wounds there, it itches me very much and I have to be very careful when I wash it up. My mother said that, thanks to her and how much she cared about me, I was saved. She said she was changing my diapers all the time to protect my delicate skin.

It’s strange cause she’s not that delicate. I don’t remember this, but I remember once I was worse of my skin problem. I had liquid all over my back, and she was covering it with bandages. She was very clumsy hurting me all the time with her nails and I had to ask her to stop and I put all the bandages by myself. I was a teenager when this happened.

As I was saying, I almost die when I was a baby. My mother said doctors put a lot of tubes in my head, and it was a pity to see me like this. When I was growing, I started to feel better. Even though I kept sick. My mother said the doctor taking care of me was so dedicated, and she didn’t want anybody else to touch me unless her.

My skin problem was the worst sickness I carried on during my childhood. My family was always searching for healers to recover my skin. I visited a lot of them, and a tried a lot of remedies. Some of them hurt. I took baths in miraculous waters and it was worse. After drying my body, I went to the living room to play a basic video game of putting pieces together. It was relaxing. Cause my mother said I looked like a cat in despair- it’s said cats don’t like water, that’s why.

A lot of things happened in my childhood so maybe I write a saga of posts just talking about it.
See you soon.

Dear Soul:

Blogger tells me to speak about what I’m passionate about, but I will use this space to speak about my things. You know, what’s happening to me in my life. This is what I am passionate about. I can write here lines and lines without bothering anybody so here I go.
Today I will tell you about my little pains. I don’t know if it’s the same for everybody, but I always feel little pains. Right now I have a headache, for example. When I got up too, but it disappeared. Then, my heart aches. Then, my stomach. Then, my skin itches. Then, I have a little wound. Then, my back - my back very few times. I cannot sleep nicely some nights and I am very tired the whole day. I cannot go to the bathroom nicely. Almost every day, I feel like an electricity in my butt. I told this to the doctors but they laughed at me.
I don’t complain about my little pains cause they are always coming and going, it’s not like an illness you can heal. It’s now your stomach, the next minute your head, and so on. Everything is ok but everything is hurting. I cannot go to the doctors cause as I said, it’s a lot of little things. They only try to heal you when you’re very sick of only one thing.
Besides, they give you pills for everything. Pills for headaches, pills for digestion, pills for sleeping nicely- they should give pills to my neighbors to stop making noise, too, cause sometimes it’s because of them.
I don’t have problems like stress, anxiety, despair, fear... I consider myself a very calm person. It’s hard to affect me, in bad and good senses. But sometimes I feel depressed. You know, I am always feeling little pains- right now is my skin itching, but not very much - and I don’t connect nicely with people around me. A lot of people would say this is stupid and I don’t stand anything.
Everybody has their own problems, these are mine.
It’s nice to write here. You know, I write to somebody and then I read it like I was reading something written by another person. It’s better than psychologists. I have three psychologists in my life. They said I didn’t have any problem, but still I was going there. I don’t know why cause if I have not any problem, it’s useless to go there. But my mother and my sister wanted me to go there.
They listen to you and they give you their point of view. Sometimes, they don’t say anything and they just ask questions and listen to you so it’s like speaking alone.
I remember one of them told me to do homework, like I was in the school. A task after every session, like “draw this situation”, “write your dreams” or things like these ones. She didn’t offer me any solution, but this helped me to listen to myself. It’s like writing here.
This last psychologist always asked me “how do you feel?”. I never knew what to answer. I was very sick because of my skin problem back then, so I felt my skin itching badly. I could not feel anything else. But she knew I had this skin problem so it would be too obvious to say my skin was itching so I always said “Fine.”
My skin problem was the worst pain I felt. Depending on the time, it can itch a little bit - like in this moment- or you can wish to die. I spent my teens wishing to die because of this. Every day, every hour, every minute felt very, very, very uncomfortable and the doctors didn’t have any solution. So when you’re feeling so bad and they told you your future will be as bad as it is in this moment, with pain and without hope, you want to die. Maybe you think I am weak, but it’s not easy to live every minute of your life like you had a lot of needles coming and going from all your body.
I am not healed of this problem but I improved a lot, it’s like a completely different life now. I can do almost everything a normal person can do. I will not tell you how it felt the worst times, but when you scratch yourself and you get your own skin in your fingers and a liquid covering your skin... This is not comfortable. No, it’s not.
PS: It’s a nonsense, cause I went nicely to the bathroom this early morning. Then, I slept a bit again and I went to the bathroom awfully. If it was because of the food, I should have gone badly first, but it was the second time. Besides, after that I felt the electricity in my butt and my stomach behaving like a wash machine. It’s completely crazy. I feel good but then I feel bad and then I feel good again. What should I do? I don’t care about the food anymore cause it has nothing to do with it. I use to make strict diets but it’s the same as nothing.

Dear Soul:

I write to you cause I have nobody to write to. Lately I’ve been thinking about my life - this is something I always do - . Life is strange. I mean, I don’t have any problems but at the same time I have a lot of them. When I was younger I planned some things to my life, and I achieved them: I got a job guaranteed for life, I rented my own apartment in the center of my city... But I’m not happy, tough. I was dreaming too much lately. As I didn’t have to care about material things anymore, I fell in love with a Kpop singer and I dreamed too much about ETs and life beyond Earth.
But I don’t feel this is ok. This will not lead me to anywhere. I knew it at the beginning but I kept dreaming. I always had a big imagination. Thanks to this imagination, I reached where I am. Nevertheless, I’m stuck here. I feel I have reached the top. I feel there’s nothing more to seek for, both more to expect from life. I have what I need for me.
I think the problem is that I expect more from the people. I didn’t care too much about them before cause I was trying to solve my own problems, but now that I cannot ask more from life, I tried to change my little world from my job. At the beginning I had tons of illusion, but I was very deceived. They always dismiss me. Even when I offered them ideas to make things easier and quicker, they didn’t listen to me and they kept complaining about the same problems. It’s like they are deaf. If I say something to improve things, they ignore me and they do exactly the opposite. My mind is really out of them. I don’t want to think about them anymore, but at the same time I must do it cause they are a part of my life. Theories about ETs on YouTube and fangirling a Kpop singer will not improve my life.
I think the human being always wants expansion in every way. Once you reached some point, you want to go further than that. But I cannot get it in this case. I should accept I have dreaming too much lately about impossible things and people in my work will not change. I will have to deal with that.
I am 31 years old now. I still have about 30 or 40 years working before a little retreat and dying.
I really don’t know what to do about it. It’s a long time. People say life is short. Life is so f*cking long!!!
I know I should deal the best I can with the same problems every day - problems in my job, I don’t really have any problem outside. This is what people do. Things don’t change magically and you always must struggle so much to get something little.
I uplifted myself so many times. I believed you don’t have limits and you can get everything you want, but I realize this is not true. It helps you to improve your life and feel better, but it’s not true. Things are always difficult and hard, specially when you’re treating other people. Woah, when you’re treating other people, things can be impossible. That’s why I am writing here to you, my soul. It’s like splitting me in two parts to be able to talk to someone. Nobody will read this, nobody will leave a comment, so it’s a nonsense to write to other people like this blog is gonna be ridden by somebody else. I did, at the beginning. When I started to write in a blog, 12 years ago. But after all this time, if I was writing to myself hoping to be ridden, it’s really discouraging to hold the same hopes. After 12 years, it’s time to accept this does not work. Even tough, it’s a relief to write sometimes.
I am wondering what picture I can put here in this post. It will be something random. Let’s be free and watch what happens. Till the next letter. Greetings.

Dear Soul:

As I promised, I’ll tell you about the boy I love. I will not say how did I “met” him cause the story is very strange. But I will tell you how is him.

He speaks with his whole body. I could listen to him for hours, even when I don’t understand a word. How he lives what he’s saying, and he pays a lot of attention to everything and everybody around him. He’s very sensitive. It’s strange how a man can be so sensitive, but he has the best of a woman and the best of a man. He can be everything. He can do everything, and everything ok. He’s the kind of guy impossible of hating if you listen to him for more than a minute.

But it’s not everything wonderful about him. Sometimes I am a bit annoyed cause he barely expresses himself. It’s very very difficult to see him posting more than a picture every month on Instagram, or watching him speaking alone without the other members of his group. I must admit this annoys me very much. But it’s not his fault, however. I would really like to know him deeper. But I cannot and this frustrates me very much.

He has a bright smile. It’s not only a smile, it’s like WOW. The sun starts shining when he smiles. I really envy him for that. I would like to be able to smile like him. It seems so easy for him. He’s always smiling, always in a bright way. I am really bad faking smiles and even when I smile honestly, I don’t smile nicely.

He has the sweetest voice in the universe and the toughest muscled body in just one person. It sounds weird, but he manages himself to make it fit perfectly. He sings like an angel, and he’s hot like a bad guy. Really, you need to meet him to believe it, but he makes this fit perfectly.

I think he doesn’t express himself cause he’s a bit insecure about talking but when he talks “seriously” I could really listen to him for hours. He believes so much in what he’s saying, he looks so interesting and he’s so funny. He’s learning English and even when he’s not very fluent expressing himself, he has the best pronunciation in the world. For me, at least. Maybe he’s a bit afraid of failing and that’s why he’s not very fluent, cause when he tries he does it very well.

He adores to win. This is a very important fact about him. He’s respectful, polite, kind, nice, warm... But if you or someone else teases him... He’s terrible. He will not stop till he wins you, even if he wins an old piece of a napkin. But he wins. This is very important for him. Winning things. You should not mess with him this way. He’s the most cheerful mate in the world, even though. He’s very, very, very supportive. Patient. Passionate. Caring. Loving. Valuable. Talented. Good looking. Smart.

Really, you should meet him. It seems I am blinded and lying, but believe me he’s like this. I am not the kind of person who denies reality to make it fit with her interests. He’s really, really wonderful and this is not because I say it. Everybody knows it.

Maybe I will have the chance to talk to him. I will tell you if I have the chance. He’s like a dream. A dream with legs. A heart with arms. It’s really hard to believe that I could have the chance to talk to him, but it’s really hard to believe that someone like him can be alive, too. So why not? Talking to him is the best thing that could happen ever to me. I was dreaming of it for so long. But I was deceived so many times in my life that I don’t want to hold a lot of expectations. Let’s see what happens.

I will share with you a picture of him smiling, to melt your heart:

There’s a lot of pictures of him being hot but I will share with you only this one

Me in the Celtic side

Dear Soul:

Today I was visiting an ancient place. A mountain where cultures of the old Europe lived before the Roman Empire invaded them. Celtic people lived in these same rocks, a lot of years ago. It’s an energetic place. You can see my hometown from this place. The Lonia river is below, flowing and refreshing the air. You can hear it from above.

These big rocks are on the top of the mountain, next to the houses where the people lived. I don’t know the purpose of them, but I feel they are there for some reason. Maybe giving equilibrium to this place. I don’t know. But I felt the energy there. I was sitting in a rock for a while, and I saw how everything started turning white, like a transparent light started to flow around this place.

I think there was rapes in these place. Those pictures came to my mind. Soldiers of the Roman Army trapping women and children. I prayed for this place to be healed, for justice to come to the people who suffered there. In the end, I took a lonely yellow flower and I put it in an old Roman house. Old houses of the Empire are still there, too. They came after Celts. The flower had even soil in the roots, so I hope this flower will grow there.

I was trying to put light in the dark side.

I hope some day I will be able to know what really happened to these old European cultures invaded by Rome.

When I was sitting in an old Celtic house, I felt the energy there. They were passionate people. They had hope. I wish I can receive their heritage and helping to heal this world. I love them. I want to know more about them. I was reading a book about this place in the library where I work, but this book told almost only about the Roman ruins, cause archeologists focused on that.

It’s said that the story is always told by the winners. I wish the story of this people can be told someday too.

Kisses,


Marta

PS: The name of this place is San Tomé, castro de San Tomé. It’s called by the name of a catholic saint, something strange for a place where the Celts lived once. I will share a picture of me with a Celtic costume from my imagination. I designed it, and in this picture I was wearing it. I am sure it has a little to do with the real Celtic dresses, but this is my imagination.

                 Picture by Marta Santos

My holidays on planet Earth are giving me interesting results. First of all: happiness is not possible here. You can try your best and find some peace inside your heart, if you manage to be alone enough and having some free time. Then, happy and relaxed moments can come. But don’t try to find the love here. Ever. Women feel jealousy and men hate you. Deal with that. Build your own paradise apart from them. Maybe, inside your mind, you can find the island where everything is ok. It’s difficult cause darkness grabs your heart and shakes it all the time, but you can do it. Rely on yourself. Lately, I have been building my perfect loving relationship, even though he’s so apart from me. HE’S AMAZING. I will share a picture with you, so you will see how beautiful and manly he is:

Jeon Jungkook. Picture from the internet 

Do you see? He’s astonishing beautiful, very polite and respectful and hot and passionate and attractive and attentive and kind and loving and ... He’s the perfect dream. But as I said before, he’s not for me. I believe I caught his attention but nobody will let him touch me. Planet Earth is complicated. People is always working to make things difficult to each other. They don’t enjoy their lives, neither they let the others enjoy. They are always so busy doing useless and harmful things.

But you have to believe their lies. Everything is ok, even when you see clearly everything is not ok. Let them be apart. It’s their problem. Not mess with that so much. They are happy with their unhappiness. 

Anyway, there’s good things here. I adore old people, for example. Old people here always sit in a bench and they spend there hours, breathing the air, receiving sunlight and talking to each other about things they watched in TV or in the newspaper, or things happening in the town or neighborhood. When they are old, they have all day for themselves and they are not stressed like people of middle age. You can see a lot of them sitting in the same bench, one next to each other but everyone looking straight. They are funny. Old people are the funniest.

People of middle age is so lost in a lot of troubles. Job, home, children, paying taxes, going to parties, marrying, searching for a lover outside their marriage... Bfff. I really stress myself looking at them, but I am in the first 30s so I should be like them soon. I don’t want to. I would love to press FF button of my life and going directly into 70s. If they are not sick, they do know how to live life. They even have sports for old people, and parties and everything.

Young people is a jungle. Literally. Fighting each other, trying to be the best of the crew, trying to get the best boyfriend or girlfriend, always following trends and fashion they see on magazines - lately in the internet. They don’t know who they are and they always want to be someone else. They are so lost and they bully each other easily. I don’t like them really much. I didn’t like them even when I was one of them. I was different but bullied. Maybe this is who I will be in my middle age. OMG, I am really looking forward to reach 70s.

I will tell you more things, dear soul. Spring is coming here. It’s nice to walk the parks and the air is so comfortable. I really like to walk in the late evening, before the sunset. Light is very warm and everything looks kinda relaxing. 

Thank you for being here and thank you for everything. Your 3D version,

Marta

PS: I will tell you more things about the boy I love. He’s incredible.