Extraterrestrial life

Dear Soul,
Before telling you more about my childhood, I will speak about extraterrestrial life. Lately I’ve been thinking very much about it. Are they here? What’s their purpose? Are they messing with us like dead people do? Do they want to help us?
It’s a very strange topic. When I was about 4 years old, I watched an UFO. It scared me and I ran into my bed to cover me with my blankets. It’s something that should not be there, something unknown. Nobody believed in UFOs when I was a child, at least not logical people. Only crazy ones who went to talk shows on TV dressed with very strange costumes and they looked like a spectacle. Scientists and people like this, they never believed in UFOs.
This was in my childhood. I believed in Catholic Church and I went all sundays to pray and listen to the weekly ritual. I felt very guilty when I didn’t go there. They said you’re a bad person if you forget about God and I also prayed every night before going to bed. My mother commanded me to do so, and my school was a religious one, too. We also prayed in the morning before starting classes, and some special days we visited the church of our neighborhood. We also had two little churches in our school, one separated and decorated like an ancient one and the other was more like a praying room inside the normal school. After this school I went to another one which was catholic, too. They said God created everything, and he’s pure love.
I believed this so hardly. They said the worst thing that can happen to you is forgetting about God, but God will always be there waiting for you if you lose yourself and you want to come home again. So I started to not believe that much. I thought “I cannot say God is true cause I cannot watch it, but because of this same reason I cannot deny God, so I will not believe neither deny him”. I read a very famous book then, “Conversations with God”. This book says that you’re creating your own reality together with God. It was a very empowering book, I liked it very much. It also spoke about life outside of the Earth, it said they are our old brothers and sisters. I started to believe in extraterrestrial life, in that moment. I started trying to create my own reality too, cause the book gave very interesting clues about how to make it.
At the same time, I started to be different than people around me. My mind started to think differently than them and I had to switch my thoughts: when I was with them, I thought like them. When I was alone, I explored my reality on my own.
I started to search about UFOs, reading a lot of New Age information, following very important figures there, I tried to expand my mind. I reached a moment when it was the same as before: “I cannot believe this cause I cannot see it, but I cannot deny it because of the same reason”. Then, I watched strange lights in the night sky, at least three times. Maybe even more, cause I watched more strange things but I am not very secure about if they really were strange lights outside logical explanations.
Back then I already knew we are creating our reality, so I felt I was connected to them for some reason. Maybe reading a lot of UFO information prepared my mind to see them.
Then, I watched an interview to a man saying he’s talking really to ETs through the internet. I though in Spanish “ya están aquí”, which is something similar to “finally, they have already come”. I was believing very much in 2012 theories, that something spectacular will happen to Earth as people awaken and I thought this was the beginning. History happening in front of my eyes. ETs starting to talk to humanity.
Then I watched to the videos. I found the explanation to many things I couldn’t explain before, and even more. But at the same time, reality became so dark. I couldn’t believe certain things. I mean, I knew governments are thieves stealing us all, but I couldn’t deal with the idea they go beyond that. It was like the surface of reality started to split with the reality lying inside very much. At the beginning, when I was reading New Age information and that, I started to understand corporations and governments are crazy and pure liars. But now it’s like I only trust myself.
It’s like everything hides a dark intention, and you cannot act like everything is going right cause you will fall in their traps. But at the same time, you cannot act like everything is going wrong cause you will look like a very crazy person. So I just really believe in what I have in front of me, right now (if it’s not a human person with the capacity of lying). I can dream a lot, but in real facts I only trust myself watching what’s in front of me in the present moment. Everything else can be real too or fake.
I don’t believe, neither deny. I let life show me the truth as time passes by. I need to do this to survive. I don’t attach myself to any idea anymore, cause everything I believed was falling.
People were such a liars. They are lying all the time, they say one thing but they want the opposite. They always want to use you for something but they cannot tell you openly so they lie, and lie, and lie. Usually, they don’t want to use you for something good. But they want you to trust them even when you’re watching clearly they only want to abuse you. It’s so crazy. I don’t rely on anybody anymore. Only in myself. In my Self: my Soul.
I wonder how things really work outside of this. At this point, I feel there’s extraterrestrial life out there (in fact, I watched UFOs) but everything is under layers and layers of lies. Who they really are? What do they really want? What are they doing? How much do they know about us? Will we be able to meet them in the future? Do they have expectations from us? Why are they here? It seems there’s a lot of them visiting us. Some reason should have leaded them here.
I feel I am knowing less everyday. Even the certain things, which I took for granted, I don’t believe them anymore. I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I feel things are changing so fast lately. Let’s see what happens. I trust my higher Self is taking care of me. I really experienced it so many times. Maybe this is the only thing I really believe. When I feel confident, it’s like sun is shining more brightly, and I find the things I am searching for. When I hurt my finger, for example. I do nothing at all, and the wound heals alone. There must be some positive force ruling us, ruling it all. I cannot deny it cause I watch it with my eyes, so I have to believe it.