Existential problems

Dear Soul:

I write to you cause I have nobody to write to. Lately I’ve been thinking about my life - this is something I always do - . Life is strange. I mean, I don’t have any problems but at the same time I have a lot of them. When I was younger I planned some things to my life, and I achieved them: I got a job guaranteed for life, I rented my own apartment in the center of my city... But I’m not happy, tough. I was dreaming too much lately. As I didn’t have to care about material things anymore, I fell in love with a Kpop singer and I dreamed too much about ETs and life beyond Earth.
But I don’t feel this is ok. This will not lead me to anywhere. I knew it at the beginning but I kept dreaming. I always had a big imagination. Thanks to this imagination, I reached where I am. Nevertheless, I’m stuck here. I feel I have reached the top. I feel there’s nothing more to seek for, both more to expect from life. I have what I need for me.
I think the problem is that I expect more from the people. I didn’t care too much about them before cause I was trying to solve my own problems, but now that I cannot ask more from life, I tried to change my little world from my job. At the beginning I had tons of illusion, but I was very deceived. They always dismiss me. Even when I offered them ideas to make things easier and quicker, they didn’t listen to me and they kept complaining about the same problems. It’s like they are deaf. If I say something to improve things, they ignore me and they do exactly the opposite. My mind is really out of them. I don’t want to think about them anymore, but at the same time I must do it cause they are a part of my life. Theories about ETs on YouTube and fangirling a Kpop singer will not improve my life.
I think the human being always wants expansion in every way. Once you reached some point, you want to go further than that. But I cannot get it in this case. I should accept I have dreaming too much lately about impossible things and people in my work will not change. I will have to deal with that.
I am 31 years old now. I still have about 30 or 40 years working before a little retreat and dying.
I really don’t know what to do about it. It’s a long time. People say life is short. Life is so f*cking long!!!
I know I should deal the best I can with the same problems every day - problems in my job, I don’t really have any problem outside. This is what people do. Things don’t change magically and you always must struggle so much to get something little.
I uplifted myself so many times. I believed you don’t have limits and you can get everything you want, but I realize this is not true. It helps you to improve your life and feel better, but it’s not true. Things are always difficult and hard, specially when you’re treating other people. Woah, when you’re treating other people, things can be impossible. That’s why I am writing here to you, my soul. It’s like splitting me in two parts to be able to talk to someone. Nobody will read this, nobody will leave a comment, so it’s a nonsense to write to other people like this blog is gonna be ridden by somebody else. I did, at the beginning. When I started to write in a blog, 12 years ago. But after all this time, if I was writing to myself hoping to be ridden, it’s really discouraging to hold the same hopes. After 12 years, it’s time to accept this does not work. Even tough, it’s a relief to write sometimes.
I am wondering what picture I can put here in this post. It will be something random. Let’s be free and watch what happens. Till the next letter. Greetings.